fear Archives - Nothing Definitive

I’m reading a blog post called “Fear of Success” and it made me realize that maybe a lot of people don’t succeed in life because they actually fear it. Whereas I am obsessed with becoming rich and powerful and enlightened, they are actually scared of achieving because of the added pressure…seriously? That seems absurd, although I suppose without pursuing the right paths, normalcy feels safe and secure. Or maybe it’s their attachment to the status quo. That would make sense since we observe that sort of thing historically and on a daily basis.

UPDATE 2015-03-16: The only thing that really stands out here is the realization that people are different. Truly different. Fundamentally different in how they think. Who I am is alien compared to other people and it means nothing in terms of value. We are all just different and play different roles and have different ideas about what things mean and how they should be done. There are probably people that legitimately self-sabotage because they’re afraid of succeeding. I might be one of them. Why don’t I try harder at work? There’s probably a lot of reasons, but one might be that I’m really scared of standing up in front of everyone and taking a strong lead on something. Standing up at the quarterly meeting and asking a question or giving a presentation. Spearheading a project. In this little world of mine I might be too scared to succeed. We are all very different and yet very vulnerable in the same ways. Keep an open mind and scrutinize yourself from every angle because you might just realize that something that seems so certain to apply or not apply to you, might just do the opposite.

UPDATE 2018-09-12: This is kind of embarrassing to read. I am, and was, scared of succeeding just like everyone else and didn’t realize it. The way we view ourselves internally is so much different from how we really act in the moment. That’s the big difference here. I was caught up in how I thought of myself, but not the reality of real life situations. The fear of success is referring to actual moments in life when difficult situations are presented and most of us fail to perform correctly. We struggle, we break under pressure, we back down, we do the wrong thing. That’s what’s really being said here. I was just a naive kid when I wrote this with a skewed perspective of reality because I thought I was somehow immune or exempt from the pressures of the real world. Really it was just a lack of real life experience that will quickly humble you when you realize you’re not all that you think you are.

Another interesting thought this article reminded me of, is this feeling that my mind isn’t entirely in my control. When I read articles like this that talk about a helpless psychological condition we all face and only few of us defeat, I have this nagging worry that says, “by reading this, you’ll adopt this behavior and ruin your mind!” or something along those lines. I know it’s absurd, but it’s a consistent concern I have when exploring unfamiliar territory. However, I am beginning to feel a force working against it. Perhaps by continuing to explore this world I will eventually reach a point where “I know everything” (not literally) and can completely control my mental states. I could read about something like this article and be entirely unphased by its information because I already know the truth of the situation. This article is actually a good proof-of-concept because I am somewhat aware of what he speaks and have a preformed opinion about it. So as I’m reading I feel that weird adoption anxiety but also something pushing against it, reminding me of my personal reality. It’s interesting. Perhaps it’s belief…which may or may not be good.

UPDATE 2013-07-09: I remember this feeling well and it’s only in recent months that my mind has reached a strong enough point where these worries no longer affect me. In fact, it’s important to note that with consistent practice, thoughts like these have almost entirely vanished from my life. I’ve made a lot of emotional and psychological progress that I wasn’t sure I could do a year ago. It’s very exciting to see such profound changes take place, especially when I had no idea what to expect or where it was going.

UPDATE 2015-03-16: This is really interesting and probably highlights a weakness of mind we call “ignorance.” When you don’t know, anything seems possible. I remember being plagued by this thought on numerous occasions, that what I read or thought about, might infect my mind. Now I am completely free of it. I know too much to be affected that easily. This surely has religious implications, young minds, captured by indoctrination, see a world they do not understand and thus must construct imaginary worlds to explain and protect. If you stop learning, on any level, you have failed. The world will remain a mystery, and you a slave to its every whim.

Tag: fear

Fear of Success

The fear of accidentally ruining your mind