I grew up in a Christian household that went to church, prayed, and said grace. I accepted this reality without question and truly believed in God when I was young. He definitely existed and so did the narrative that existed around him. This is important because narrative and structure provide footing for belief to stand on.
Fortunately Church is boring and so is Christianity. Couple that with an inability to answer even basic questions and its flaws eventually became apparent. This didn’t immediately eject me from its control however. At first I resisted and found excuses to maintain the fantasy. This idea was gifted to me by others who emphasized its importance and so destroying it, in a sense, was a betrayal to them, but this force only lasts so long and the roots of dissent were in place. This is important because as the structure crumbles away, the naked belief is eventually revealed for what it truly is. It is only at this time when you can accurately reassess what it is you’ve believed in all along.
None of this is helped by the fact that during our formative years, those around us are heavily influencing our perception of the world. They are intentionally or accidentally planting ideas and beliefs in our mind on a regular basis. Those who have fallen victim to narratives like Christianity are especially dangerous in that they encourage those around them to believe, discourage open discourse, and forbid exploration of unknown or conflicting territory.
However, what disturbs me most about belief is that within its confines the problem isn’t obvious. It wasn’t until I was outside looking in that I found perspective. But even that statement is not entirely accurate. I have not traveled to some new location. I am still the same person with those ideas and memories locked up inside my mind. It would be more accurate to say that those ideas are still there but that they are now connected to a vast network of other ideas which challenge their hypotheses. I did not vanquish belief or Christianity, I proved it wrong inside my mind. All of that information must live there together, it’s up to you to restructure it.
What I gained through this experience is a lesson that has appeared elsewhere in my life. By experiencing mistakes first-hand I better understand what they’re capable of and witness myself slowly transition through stages of realization, rejection, and resolution. This journey provides clarity to the scope of each issue and I’ve found that experiencing the breadth of some spectrum provides the greatest insight in understanding it. More importantly however, I asked myself: what other fallacious ideas have I unwittingly accepted as truth?
This dilemma has bothered me since and has resulted in a lack of belief. A vacancy of opinion regarding important topics. It has required me to reevaluate my principles, destroy sacred beliefs, abandon comfort and familiarity, in exchange for clarity and understanding. I am calmer, smarter, and freer to explore the world. It has also increased my ability to absorb new information because I no longer require excuses to shape observation. I can listen without arguing. I can travel through the medium of belief without attaching myself to it. I do understand that it’s comforting to lean against something that defies death and bestows purpose, but it’s dangerous and naive. The reality of our situation IS a hard pill to swallow, but a necessity for growth into a responsible modern adult.